The Mirror and the Soul: When We Hate the Face That Allah Fashioned

🪞 Half a Trillion Dollars, and Still Unhappy

Many people spend the greater part of their lives wishing they were more attractive. Some wish they were a bit taller, others a bit thinner; some wish they had more attractive features. We live in a world that has become obsessed with physical appearance.

In 2025, the global beauty industry generated over 570 billion dollars in consumer spending — in a single year. Humanity now spends over half a trillion dollars annually on beauty products and cosmetic procedures. Broken down, that is roughly 1.5 billion dollars every day, around 18,000 dollars every second, poured into enhancing the way we look.

And here is the irony: despite unprecedented access to beauty products and procedures, people are still unhappy with the way they look. This generation, for all its tools and access, is the most miserable and unhappy when it comes to physical appearance. You would think that the more we spend, the happier we would be — but it has had the opposite effect.

When a person looks in the mirror and does not like what they see, this is not really a problem with the body. It is the sign of a spiritual crisis — the crisis of self-hate.

🕯 The Man Who Said "Allah Made Me Ugly"

Shaykh al-Saduq narrates a hadith in Ilal al-Sharā'i from the sixth Imam, al-Imam Ja'far al-Sadiq (a). The Imam reports an incident from the time of the Prophet (s).

A man came to the Prophet and asked:

فَقَالَ: يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ، أَيَسْأَلُ اللَّهُ عَمَّا سِوَى الْفَرِيضَةِ؟
Faqāla: yā rasūl Allāh, a-yas'alu-llāhu ʿammā siwā al-farīḍah?
"O Messenger of Allah, will Allah question me on the Day of Judgement about anything other than the obligatory acts?"

In other words: am I accountable for the non-obligatory deeds (the mustaḥabbāt), or only for my wājibāt? The Prophet (s) told him that Allah will only ask about his obligations — that is the priority. He will not interrogate you for missing ṣalāt al-layl, nor hold you to account for not reciting some particular du'a.

Then the man said something strange:

فَوَالَّذِي بَعَثَكَ بِالْحَقِّ، لَا أَتَقَرَّبُ إِلَى اللَّهِ بِشَيْءٍ سِوَاهَا
Fa-walladhī baʿathaka bi-l-ḥaqq, lā ataqarrabu ilā-llāhi bi-shay'in siwāhā.
"By the One who sent you in truth — I will not draw near to Allah with anything other than the obligatory acts."

He resolved to do only the bare minimum, nothing more. The Prophet asked him why. The man replied:

لِأَنَّ اللَّهَ قَبَّحَ خَلْقِي
Li-anna-llāha qabbaḥa khalqī.
"Because Allah made me ugly."

He felt deprived of physical beauty. He did not like what he saw in the mirror. He felt he got the short end of the stick. Life, he said, is very difficult when you are not good-looking.

The hadith says the Prophet fell silent — fa-amsaka al-nabī. It was painful for him to hear that this man was in such turmoil, so depressed and unhappy with his appearance that he had grown angry even with Allah.

Then Jibra'il descended at that very moment:

فَقَالَ: يَا مُحَمَّدُ، رَبُّكَ يُقْرِئُكَ السَّلَامَ، وَيَقُولُ: أَقْرِئْ عَبْدِي فُلَانًا السَّلَامَ
Fa-qāla: yā Muḥammad, rabbuka yuqri'uka al-salām, wa yaqūl: aqri' ʿabdī fulānan al-salām.
"O Muhammad, your Lord sends you His salām, and says: convey My salām to My servant so-and-so."

Convey My greeting of peace to My servant — the one who is upset with Me, disappointed in Me, frustrated with Me. Tell him: Are you not pleased that, when this life is finished, on the Day of Judgement I will raise you among those who are protected and safe? You think I do not care about you? You think you are unimportant to Me because I did not fashion you the way you wanted? I have given you something far greater than an attractive face — I have made you among the saved on that final day.

When the man heard this, he could not believe it. Allah mentioned me? Allah cares about me? He sent salām to me? And the Prophet said: yes.

Then the man, transformed, said: if that is how Allah feels about me — if I am so beloved to Him — then there is not a single mustaḥab I will not perform, to show my appreciation and my devotion.

The way Allah felt about that man is the way Allah feels about every person who looks in the mirror and does not like what they see. We may not have the privilege of standing beside the Prophet and receiving a message through Jibra'il — but Allah still sends us messages in our lives. The problem is the nature of the human being: we always focus on what we do not have and ignore what we have been given.

⚖️ A Global Crisis, and a Qur'anic Red Line

In Australia, studies show that one third of Australians — millions of people — are unhappy with the way they look. And one third of that one third have developed depression and anxiety because of their appearance. This is a global crisis. Some young people end up taking their own lives because they feel ugly.

What makes it worse is that the unattractive are bullied, picked on, ridiculed in school, and harassed online. This is becoming an epidemic. People today have the lowest self-esteem of any previous generation.

Allah addresses this directly. In Sūrat al-Ḥujurāt (49:11):

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا يَسْخَرْ قَوْمٌ مِّن قَوْمٍ عَسَىٰ أَن يَكُونُوا خَيْرًا مِّنْهُمْ وَلَا نِسَاءٌ مِّن نِّسَاءٍ عَسَىٰ أَن يَكُنَّ خَيْرًا مِّنْهُنَّ ۖ وَلَا تَلْمِزُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ وَلَا تَنَابَزُوا بِالْأَلْقَابِ
Yā ayyuhā alladhīna āmanū lā yaskhar qawmun min qawmin ʿasā an yakūnū khayran minhum, wa lā nisā'un min nisā'in ʿasā an yakunna khayran minhunn, wa lā talmizū anfusakum wa lā tanābazū bi-l-alqāb.
"O you who believe, let no people ridicule another people — perhaps they are better than them; nor let women ridicule other women — perhaps they are better than them. And do not insult one another, nor call one another by offensive nicknames."

Do not make fun of people because of their appearance — for perhaps the one you ridicule is more beloved to Allah than you are. They may be one of the awliyā' Allah: not well known, not the best looking, yet very dear to Him. The world puts people on a pedestal for being physically attractive, but in the eyes of Allah it is spiritual beauty that counts — it is the image of the soul that matters.

The verse forbids insulting one another and giving each other offensive names. This is common among the youth — they will see a child whose head is a little big and call him Abu Baṭīkha, or Abu Jabha, or Abu Karish. They are very creative with these names, but it is not nice — and we have all been guilty of it. Sometimes even when you joke with friends about their appearance, they laugh along with you, because no one wants to admit their feelings were hurt. But you do not know how long those words will linger in their minds.

We do not want to be responsible for people harming themselves. You never know what someone is going through. Maybe they have been battling depression for years, and your comment becomes the straw that breaks the camel's back. Do you want to meet Allah as the person who made the last offensive remark that led a young person to take their own life? It happens. We have to be careful with our words.

🤲 Even a Gesture Is Recorded

What made the Prophet (s) unique is how sensitive he was to this. Some things he let go and never made an issue of — but insulting people, especially mocking their appearance, was a red line he would not let anyone cross.

It is narrated by Aisha that a woman once came to visit the Prophet with some questions, and he met and spoke with her. When the woman left, Aisha gestured with her hands to the Prophet that the woman was very short — mocking her height. The Prophet did not laugh. He said: you have backbitten against her.

She had not said a single word — she had only made a gesture. Sometimes we think, "but I did not say anything" — yet you made a face, you made a gesture. On the Day of Judgement, do you think only your words are recorded? Even your facial expressions, even your body language, Allah will hold you accountable for — whenever they make someone feel offended, unwanted, diminished. So the Prophet said: do not make fun of people, do not ridicule them.

📿 Tip One — You Are a Soul Before You Are a Body

Someone may say: "Shaykh, I cannot help it. When I look in the mirror, I am genuinely unhappy with what I see. How do I overcome these negative feelings?" Many struggle with this, especially sisters, because the modern world has created an impossible, artificial standard of beauty. We all have insecurities; we all have self-esteem issues about our appearance to some degree. So what does someone do?

First: remind yourself constantly that we are not bodies that occasionally have spiritual experiences — we are spirits having a temporary bodily experience. Your essence is not your physical body; your essence is your soul. That is the real you. No matter how much you adorn and beautify the body, it is temporary. You are going to age — so let yourself age gracefully.

When you look in the mirror and see wrinkles, instead of panicking, say: this is a reminder that the dunya is not my real home; I am a traveler. When a grey hair appears in your beard, do not panic and rush to dye it (and at least get the colour right). A grey hair is a sign of dignity and a reminder that you will not be here forever — that you are moving toward your final destination. Use those moments in the mirror as moments of reflection and introspection, not superficiality.

Allah says:

يَوْمَ لَا يَنفَعُ مَالٌ وَلَا بَنُونَ ۝ إِلَّا مَنْ أَتَى اللَّهَ بِقَلْبٍ سَلِيمٍ
Yawma lā yanfaʿu mālun wa lā banūn · illā man atā-llāha bi-qalbin salīm.
"The Day when neither wealth nor children will avail — except for one who comes to Allah with a sound heart." (al-Shu'arā', 26:88–89)

The real victory is not to meet Allah with the nicest eyebrows, the nicest nose, the nicest eyes — but with the purest soul. On the Day of Qiyamah our outward appearance will be determined by our souls; the inner reality will become the external form. The one obedient to Allah will be beautiful on the day that truly matters, because their inner reality will become their outward appearance. This does not mean make no effort to look good — it means do not lose sight of yourself, do not lose yourself.

🌿 The Beloved Servants Who Did Not Fit the Standard

When you look in the mirror and dislike what you see, remember that some of the most beloved servants of Allah did not fit today's standard of beauty.

In al-Kāfī, a man came to our fifth Imam, al-Imam al-Baqir (a), and asked:

أَتُصَلِّي النَّوَافِلَ وَأَنْتَ قَاعِدٌ؟
A-tuṣallī al-nawāfila wa anta qāʿid?
"Do you pray the optional prayers (the nawāfil) while sitting down?"

The Imam answered that he prays all his obligatory prayers standing, but performs his extra nawāfil sitting down — because of the extra flesh he carried on his body, and because of his age. According to this hadith, Imam al-Baqir was heavy-set; it was difficult for him to stand for long periods because of his weight.

This teaches us that Allah creates even prophets and Imams in different shapes and sizes. Some imagine that all the Imams of Ahl al-Bayt looked like Greek gods — broad shoulders, massive chests, seven feet tall. That is not the reality. Among the prophets, messengers, and Imams, some were tall and some short, some larger and some thin. What matters is the soul.

We have done a disservice here — a sign of how colonized the Muslim mind has become — when we depict the Imams of Ahl al-Bayt as always light-skinned (historically inaccurate) and as perfect physical specimens. The reality is different: Allah creates people in different forms.

When Allah chose His prophets, He did not survey humanity for the best-looking and select on that basis. It is about the soul. Consider the story of Yusuf and Zulaikha. Zulaikha was infatuated with Yusuf — the first "fan girl" in history — so obsessed that for seven years in her palace Yusuf (a) would not even lift his head to gaze at her, always lowering his gaze. Until one day she lost herself and tried to seduce him.

She said, "Raise your eyes, lift your gaze, look at me." Yusuf replied that he feared Allah would take away his eyesight if he disobeyed Him: You want me to use the blessing of eyesight in a way that incurs the wrath of Allah? The Lord who gave me eyesight can take it away.

She said, "O Yusuf, how beautiful are your eyes." He answered that these very eyes, so attractive to her, would be the first part of him to decompose in his grave. She said, "O Yusuf, how beautiful is your fragrance." He answered that if she came near a body dead for three days, the stench would make her run away.

He was teaching her that this body we are obsessed with will go into the ground and decompose. This physical attractiveness is temporary. You may not like the way you look — but it is only a temporary phase. It is not the end of the world.

🪞 The Du'a of the Mirror

We have a narration that trains us to remember who we really are. The Prophet (s) said that whenever you look in the mirror, it is mustaḥab to make a du'a — yet today, how many people think of du'a at the mirror? The supplication, in meaning, is:

O Allah, just as You have created me, fashioned me, and made my form beautiful — so beautify my character.

Because character is what truly counts. And — subḥānAllāh — have you ever met someone physically attractive who has bad akhlāq? Even an objectively attractive person, if they have bad character, begins to appear less attractive in your eyes. Look at the power of the soul: the beauty of character and spirituality shines through. This is the first way to counter negative thoughts about our appearance — remind yourself that you are a soul before you are a body.

🎁 Tip Two — A Gift Has Value Because of Who Gave It

Most of you have heard of Sūrat Luqmān — sūra 31 of the Qur'an. Luqman was renowned for his wisdom; Allah revealed an entire sūra carrying his name, to be recited until yawm al-qiyāmah.

Yet if you look at his physical description, you will be shocked. The narrations describe Luqman as qaṣīr — short; afṭas al-anf — with a flat nose; musaffaḥ al-qadamayn — flat-footed. He was not physically impressive. In fact he was unattractive to the point that he used to be ridiculed for his appearance. Imagine: a man with an entire sūra named after him, bullied for the way he looked.

One day someone came to Luqman and said, "O Luqman, how ugly is your face." Luqman replied: are you finding fault in the engraving — or in the Engraver?

When you make fun of someone's appearance, who are you really ridiculing? You are ridiculing Allah — insulting the Lord who created that human being. When you look in the mirror, remind yourself: this face I might not like was fashioned by Him.

And here is the one thing to take away tonight. Sometimes a gift has value because of who gave it to you. Imagine you buy a plain handkerchief at the mall — nothing special; you take it home and toss it in a drawer. But if you travel to Najaf, meet Sayyid al-Sistani (may Allah preserve him), and he hands you a handkerchief of his — how precious would it be? You would frame it and hang it up. To you it would be the best handkerchief in the world, even though objectively there are fancier ones. It is precious because of who gave it to you.

So when you look at your eyes, say: I love these eyes because Allah gave them to me. When you look at your nose — your "deviated septum" that everyone seems to have — instead of pointing out the blemishes, cherish it, because that is what Allah gave you. And that applies to every inch of your body. Say: I am honored — because this was not given to you by a king, an emperor, or your favorite celebrity. It was given to you by the One who created every atom in the universe. This will completely change your life: you begin connecting every feature of your body to Him, seeing it as a precious gift from Rabb al-ʿĀlamīn.

⚖️ Tip Three — Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

The third way is to stop comparing ourselves to others. It is amazing how the human being compares himself over the wrong things. You never hear someone say, "this person has better akhlāq than me, I should be like them," or "this person memorized four juz of the Qur'an and I have only memorized two — I need to up my game." No one does that. We compare dunya: physical appearance, money — things that are frivolous and have little real value.

One of the greatest causes of unhappiness is this constant comparison. You strip your life of joy and rob yourself of contentment when you are always measuring your looks against others. Social media has only made this worse. (Wallahi, sometimes you wonder if we should just confiscate everyone's phones, destroy them, and go back to living like the Amish — maybe it would be better.)

Allah says in Sūrat al-Nisā':

وَلَا تَتَمَنَّوْا مَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بِهِ بَعْضَكُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ
Wa lā tatamannaw mā faḍḍala-llāhu bihi baʿḍakum ʿalā baʿḍ.
"And do not covet that by which Allah has favoured some of you over others." (al-Nisā', 4:32)

Though revealed in the context of marriage, we can apply it as a general principle: do not covet the blessings Allah has given to some over others. You might look at someone and ask, "why him and not me?" A brother sees someone 6'6" while he is 5'6" — even though on his profile he is 5'10" (you always have to subtract a few inches to get the reality).

We often want what Allah gave to others. If we took a poll — if Allah offered you the choice between staying as you are or being a "10 out of 10" — perhaps 99% would choose to be a 10. Only a rare few would say, "alhamdulillah, I am content with what Allah gave me."

But we forget that beauty is itself a trial. We do not think about the tests and tribulations that come with being good-looking.

🩸 The Day of Judgement: Beauty on Trial

I want to end with a hadith from al-Imam Ja'far al-Sadiq (a), found in Rawḍat al-Kāfī, the last volume of al-Kāfī.

The Imam says that on the Day of Judgement, Allah will bring forth the women who were extremely attractive in the dunya — women who went astray because of their beauty, who fell into sin from all the attention they received, and who flaunted their beauty. Allah will hold the attractive woman to account, and she will try to excuse herself: "My Lord, it is not my fault. You made me beautiful, You made me attractive, and because of my attractiveness I slipped, I fell into sin, I got into haram relationships — it was inevitable."

Then Allah will bring Maryam, the mother of Isa (a) — who was both physically beautiful and spiritually beautiful. He will present her before all these women who went astray, and ask: who is more beautiful, you or Maryam? And they will all admit Maryam was more beautiful. Then Allah will say:

قَدْ حَسَّنْتُ خَلْقَهَا فَلَمْ تَفْتَتِنْ
Qad ḥassantu khalqahā fa-lam taftatin.
"I made her beautiful, yet she was not seduced into deviation."

I made her beautiful too, but she did not go astray — so what is your excuse? Maryam did not flaunt her beauty or compromise her modesty: I did not give you beauty so you could post it before the whole world; I gave you beauty so it could be something special and private — with your husband, with your direct family. And so Maryam becomes a ḥujja against all of them.

Then the hadith continues: wa yujā'u bi-l-rajul al-ḥasan — the attractive men are brought forward, the real "10 out of 10s," lined up like prisoners. Those who were tested through their good looks — alladhī uftutina fī ḥusnih — because the women chased and bombarded them. And what is their excuse?

فَيَقُولُ: يَا رَبِّ حَسَّنْتَ خَلْقِي حَتَّىٰ لَقِيتُ مِنَ النِّسَاءِ مَا لَقِيتُ
Fa-yaqūlu: yā rabbi ḥassanta khalqī ḥattā laqītu mina-l-nisā'i mā laqīt.
"He will say: My Lord, You made me beautiful, until I suffered from women what I suffered."

You made me good-looking, all the women of the world chased me, and that is why I fell — I could not resist. But there is no excuse on that day; for any argument you think you will make, Allah has a response. Allah will bring Yusuf al-Siddiq and ask these attractive men: who is more attractive, you or Yusuf? They will all say Yusuf. And Allah will say: I gave him this attractiveness and he did not disobey Me — what is your excuse?

So some of us want to be more attractive — but believe me, this is a test that many of us would fail. It is better to be a "five out of ten" who comes to the masjid, whose akhlāq is good, who is not surrounded by temptation, and so makes it to Jannah. The grass is always greener on the other side; you do not know the trials it carries. Allah, out of His wisdom, gave you what was good for you. We have to learn this contentment.

🌙 Ummul Baneen: The Beauty of the Soul

On a night like this, we remember one of the great ladies who served the Ahl al-Bayt — a woman of spiritual beauty: the wife of Amir al-Mu'minin, the mother of Abul Fadl al-Abbas, Ummul Baneen. She is the mother of martyrs. Her spiritual beauty was so remarkable that Ali ibn Abi Talib (a) sought her out for marriage.

It is said that after the martyrdom of Sayyida Fatima (a), Amir al-Mu'minin went to his brother Aqil, who was known for his knowledge of the genealogy of the Arabs — the tribes and their qualities. He said:

يَا عَقِيلُ، اخْطُبْ لِي امْرَأَةً وَلَدَتْهَا الْفُحُولَةُ مِنَ الْعَرَبِ
Yā ʿAqīl, ikhṭub lī imra'atan waladat-hā al-fuḥūlatu min al-ʿarab.
"O Aqil, find me a woman who descends from the bravest of the Arab tribes."

Aqil asked, "Why? What are you seeking?" Ali replied:

حَتَّىٰ أُرْزَقَ مِنْهَا وَلَدًا أَذَّخِرُهُ لِيَوْمِ الشِّدَّةِ
Ḥattā urzaqa minhā waladan addakhiruhu li-yawm al-shiddah.
"So that I may be granted a son through her, whom I will reserve for the day of distress."

Amir al-Mu'minin was planning for the day of Ashura. He knew he would not live to witness that day — but he wanted a piece of himself present on it. So Aqil guided him to a noble, pure woman: Fatima bint Hizam al-Kilabiyyah.

This woman was so devoted to Ahl al-Bayt that when she married Ali, her intention was not to live as the wife of Ali, but to serve Hasan, Husayn, Zaynab, and Umm Kulthum. It is said she asked Amir al-Mu'minin: "O Ali, do not call me by my name, Fatima." He asked why — Fatima is a beautiful name. She thought to herself: what would Hasan, Husayn, and Zaynab feel if they constantly heard him call her Fatima? They would remember their own mother, Fatima al-Zahra, the daughter of the Prophet — and I am not her. I cannot be compared to her, I cannot fill her shoes. So she said: call me Ummul Baneen — the mother of the sons.

And indeed she raised remarkable sons — men who became lions, so devoted to Ahl al-Bayt that they were willing to give every drop of blood to defend Imam al-Husayn. She did not even try to stop her sons from joining him. She was proud to have a son like Abul Fadl al-Abbas — and imagine what kind of mother one must be to raise someone like al-Abbas.

Four of her sons, led by al-Abbas, joined Imam al-Husayn on his journey. On the day of Ashura, al-Abbas commanded his brothers to go to the battlefield and sacrifice, telling them: as long as you are alive, your duty is to defend your Imam — you are the servants of Husayn. And one by one, this proud brother watched his younger brothers fall as martyrs.

🪦 The News Reaches Medina

We know what happened on that day. Ummul Baneen was in Medina, looking after Ubaydullah, the young son of al-Abbas who had remained behind. After the martyrdom of Imam al-Husayn, the caravan went on to Kufa and Sham, but eventually returned to Medina. In those days news travelled slowly; the people of Medina had not yet heard what happened in Karbala.

When the caravan — absent Husayn and the men, carrying only Zayn al-Abidin, the women, and the children — reached Medina, Imam al-Sajjad (a) turned to his companion Bishr ibn Hadlam. He said: O Bishr, your father was a poet — can you compose poetry? Bishr said yes. The Imam said: go and announce to the residents of Medina what happened to my father.

Bishr mounted his horse, galloped into the city, and cried out: O people of Yathrib — the ancient name of Medina — how can you remain living in this city? They asked, "Bishr, what happened?" He said he would deliver the news near the grave of Rasulullah (s).

Everyone came out of their homes — women, children, men, elders, the young — all gathering at the masjid of the Prophet, anxious to hear the news. They pressed him: "Bishr, tell us, we are growing impatient — break the news."

He said: O residents of Medina, how can you remain in this city? Know that Husayn has been slaughtered in Karbala. We left his body on the plains of Karbala — and the head of Husayn is being paraded from city to city.

The entire city of Medina erupted into tears. Everyone became hysterical, shouting, screaming, lamenting in the streets. In the middle of that commotion, a tall, slender woman emerged, holding a baby. She called out to Bishr. He thought to himself: what is the matter with this lady? I just made the announcement — perhaps she is in shock, perhaps she did not understand. He asked someone, "Who is this lady?" They said: O Bishr, this is the mother of Qamar al-Ashira — the moon of the clan.

Bishr said: what a tragedy — I should give her my condolences, for she lost four sons in Karbala. He went to Ummul Baneen and began with the younger ones, for a mother is usually most attached to her youngest. But as he named one son after another, she kept asking him only about Imam al-Husayn. When at last he told her, the narration says she fell to the ground and said:

Do not tell me about any of my sons. Tell me about my beloved Husayn.

And that is when she cried out: Yā Husayn!